Parenting the Digital Generation
At the reception for one of my best friend’s wedding this weekend, I had the fortunate opportunity to sit at a table with a family of 4 from Denver. The 13 year old son remained the topic of conversation for most of the dinner as mom had some very real concerns relating to a game that her son has been playing “too much” of, RuneScape. Mom had many concerns about her son’s privacy, quantity of gameplay, and even went so far as to say:
Sometimes I wish he would just stop playing with the thing and watch some TV.
Whoa.
This got me thinking (and talking about) the world of parenting the digital generation. Most of mom’s concerns revolved around the what she perceived to be her son’s need to make friends in the “real” world, not in the online one. Or rather, he should be playing outside with his “real friends.”
Now being that I spend most of my days thinking about (and working in) the online world, I think that I sometimes naively forget that the aggregate “we” (and mostly those currently parenting high school age children) haven’t realized that the convergence between the on and offline worlds has already happened. And, that is especially true for your children.
It used to be that your online friends and your offline friends were different sets of people. In 1999 you had a screen name on AOL with which you cloaked yourself in a veil of false privacy. Because the internet was so vast, and uncharted, that screen name helped you establish an identity online that you were comfortable with. So, you kept two sets of friends. One on, one off.
That’s all changed. The internet’s not the scary place that it used to be (though there will always be shady characters causing headlines). People understand it for the most part, and now, for your kids:
The online world is the new city park.
The games your kids play, the instant messaging that they do, and all of those social network sites they participate in are all social collaboration and learning grounds. So, be careful how much you try to fiercely control that environment. If it was the real world, you’d let your child run down the street, and play with their friends.
Remember, you can use parental controls, privacy policies, and any kind of “closed” type of technology environments on your kids. But, they’ll always find a way to sneak out the window, and go meet up with their friends to play a game of kick-the-can with their friends. Things haven’t changed all that much (they never really do). It’s just an on (and) off line world now.
The skills that they are acquiring with all of that time online are going to help them in the long run. Trust met. At the end of the conversation that night (to illustrate for mom), I turned to a work colleague of mine who manages hundreds of people, and asked him how often he uses instant messaging with his people every day. And, he explained to mom that without it, he’d never be able to get in touch with many of his people.
Instant messaging a tool he uses every day. And, he’s a boomer. A progressive one at that. Remember, I repeat, those skills your child is learning are going to be vastly important in the world that they are growing into.
Written from North Beach – San Francisco, California
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